Hardware Removal - Best Decision EVER!

I had the hardware removed on November 22nd, 2013.  I was a little apprehensive as I still had some PTSD from the original surgery and recovery, so I was really scared that I was going to be miserable again.  NOT SO! 

Surgery was scheduled for 7am.  I arrived at the hospital at 6am and was in a car on my way home by 10:30am!  They gave me a nerve block in the recovery room that lasted the first couple of days, it was fantastic, I didn't feel any pain!!!  The only problem was that it made my whole left side of my neck and face numb as well, which included my entire tongue, and I ended up burning my tongue on hot soup and not even realizing it until 2 days later!  After the nerve block wore off there was some pain but very little in comparison to the original surgery.  And when I say "very little", I mean not even in the same category at all!  The only pain medicine I took was 1 oxycodone before bed the first 4 nights so I could sleep, but was so tired throughout the day that after that I switched to only normal doses of Ibuprofen (2 tablets with each of the 3 meals) and that was it!  And that was only for about another week or two.  I am also taking a Calcium supplement daily. 

The only real limitation is not to lift anything heavier than 5 lbs for a couple/few months.  This is difficult to follow because I feel so great I have to constantly remind myself not to do things.  Especially when I am out shopping, I can't shuffle bags from one hand to the other like I normally do.  I bought a huge insulated shopping bag at Costco for about $8.00 and carry it with me everywhere.  I am able to throw it over my good shoulder and put all my purchases in that one bag.  I did all my Christmas shopping with that bag!  It is really big, it measures about 24" wide x 16" tall and is about 8" on the sides when fully expanded.  It is like the one in this photo:

As for the incision, they cut my arm exactly through the scar I had from the original incision, and closed it with steri-strips surgical tape with guaze and a tegaderm bandage over the gauze.  I was able to shower the first day but had to take care not to saturate the bandaged area, but it was okay to let the water trickle over it.  And I was given instructions not to wash within an inch around the bandage so the soap would not dissolve the adhesive.  After 3 days I was able to take the bandage off and just leave the steri-strips on until they fell off on their own which was at about day 10.  I chose to replace the Tegaderm bandage and fresh guaze pads underneath for a week because the incision was still sensitive and I didn't want my bra strap rubbing that area.  It helped a lot.  The Tegaderm bandages are expensive but I was able to buy them over the counter at CVS and I used my flexible spending plan to pay for them so it didn't hurt the pocket.  (They were anywhere from $1.50 to $4.00 each depending on the size).  My skin is very sensitive to regular bandaid adhesives and the Tegaderm bandages didn't bother me at all!  I have stocked up to use the smaller ones are normal bandages around the house when I will need them.

After the steri-strips fell off my scar looked really good, the skin was healing nicely but was still a little sensitive so I either used a bandage or just tucked a washcloth under my bra strap t help with the rubbing.  I gently cleaned the scar and it took another week or so to clean away all the "gunk". 

I went back to work 10 days after my surgery and was a little sore, I do desk work and am on a computer all day long, so I brought a soft pillow to rest my arm on either on the desk or in my lap just to support my arm and it helped. 

I had a 2 week follow-up with the P.A., they took x-rays and said everything looked good and to keep doing what I was doing.  I don't have a picture of my x-ray but will post it when I get it.  It was weird to see the little circular spots where the screws had gone through the bone.  My next follow-up is with the surgeon at 6 weeks which is this coming Monday and I'm hoping those holes are all filled up with new strong bone! 

The bottom line is that from day one of this recovery my arm has felt fantastic - I knew the hardware was bothering me, I had pain from it often and was always aware of it.  Once it was removed I honestly feel GREAT!  Almost pre-injury kind of GREAT!  This truly was the best decision for me to make, and I am so happy I did it!  I am anxious to see what the future brings when I am cleared to ride a bike again, it will be interesting to see how I feel when I am using the arm normally again.  I will keep you posted!!! 

A Long Way Down the Road.....

So, here I am.  Two and a half years post injury - sorry for the lack of posting, but to all of you out there wondering, it is a really good sign.  It means I've been busy doing other things and that my shoulder is no longer on my mind 24/7!  Yay!  You will get here too!!

I have been doing very well recently, and "recently" for me is the past 6-12 months or so.  It honestly took about a year and a half to start to feel like "me" again.  The pain slowly subsides, and the inner happier me slowly took its place.  Biking and hiking are no problem, a few modifications to the bike (raised handlebars, shocks, and wider tires) made it much more comfortable on my shoulder and it's all good now! 

My range of motion is very good and I can attribute that to hours and hours of brutal physical therapy.  It hurt like nothing I can describe, but it is so important to do everything that is asked of you from your PT.  And also, I had a fantastic PT that massaged my scar tissue, again it hurt like the dickens and I wanted to jump out of my skin but it made all the difference a day later.  Each time she did it I was sore like crazy for a day and then noticed great improvement in my movement.  So, if you have a similar injury definitely ask about massaging the scar - I know they have to wait a certain amount of time because you don't want to hurt the healing process, but when the doctor & PT say it's okay to do, I strongly suggest it. 

I do still have some pain with certain activities (unloading the dishwasher and folding laundry for example).  And recently it hurts with little things like holding a coffee cup or getting a piece of paper off the printer at work.  It is something about the lifting of my arm in front of me that hurts - I can lift it to the side with no problem, no pain.  But repetitive motions in the front hurt a little, and sometimes more than a little, the surgeon thinks the metal is probably pinching a nerve.  So, I have decided to have the hardware removed.  Surgery for hardware removal is happening this Friday November 22nd.  It's not something the doctor told me I absolutely had to do, and I think I could get along okay not having it taken out.  But I decided that since there is still pain where the hardware is concerned, and I have consulted with two very good surgeons and both suggested having it removed, I am going to do it.  I'll try to remember to post again soon with an update on that!  What I can tell you is that it is outpatient surgery and no restrictions on movement, no sling at all!  The only restriction is a weight limitation of 5lbs for 2-3 months to give the bone time to fill in where the screws were and get strong again.  And no biking during that time, which is why I waited until Fall to have this done!  I don't mind not biking from Nov to Jan!  :) 

Good luck to all of you going through the same recovery, it is not easy, and you are not alone.  I remember feeling like my family and friends just didn't get it, and it's because THEY JUST DIDN'T GET IT!  Not their fault, as you know, until you go through an injury like this you can't even begin to relate to it.  But there are people out here who know exactly how you are feeling and how very difficult every second of every day is.  So, hang in there, it does get better!!!!!! 

Changes from injuries aren't always physical

It's been 11 months.  Eleven months since I broke my shoulder, 11 months since my life changed in a dramatic way.  I thought it would be like the time I tore my ACL, I was out of commission for a few months but after recovery my life went right back to the way it was before.  This injury is quite different.  This injury has shaped me, and changed me, from the inside out.  Priorities are different for me now.  Enjoying fresh air and sunshine has become more important to me than finishing my thesis "on time".  It wasn't just a bone that I broke, my soul broke too.  The injury hurt, worse than anything I have ever experienced, but the lack of activity and the pain associated with the slightest movement for months after broke my soul. 

I remember about a month after the surgery, my sister came to take care of me (because I still could not shower or dress all by myself) and she took me for a walk up the street.  Modesty had gone out the window and I was wearing my granny gown, and I had to hang on to my sister because I was so weak and dizzy, and we slowly walked the length of a block.  I didn't realize it then but this was my starting point, and when I think of that day I am so THANKFUL that I have come as far as I have now.  Walking now gives me no pain, and I can ride my bike for a couple of miles before my shoulder tells me it's had enough.  Recently I bought a new mountain bike so I would have front shocks to absorb some of the impact instead of having my shoulder bouncing around. It's much better.  But that's just the physical side of things.

My soul literally broke, and I'm not sure when or why.  Was it the lack of independence following the injury when I had to be taken care of, and bathed and dressed by others for a good 4-6 weeks after?  Was it when my family had better things to do than spend time with me during the darkest days?  Was it the moment of impact, which I remember distinctly and unwillingly replay in my mind in slow motion frame by frame?  I don't know, my guess is a combination of all of the above, in addition to almost 9 months of physical therapy, and the "simple" things that become difficult with a shoulder that doesn't work any more.  At any rate, I am piecing myself back together and doing well, but my priorities have shifted.   What is important, most important, to me is making the most of every day, because I learned that in a split second your life can completely change.  One second I was riding my bike having one of the best camping/biking weekends of my life, and the next I was laying on the ground afraid I was dying because I literally could not breathe. 

People don't understand me and I found myself trying to defend why I am choosing to ride my bike instead of work on my thesis sometimes, or why I choose to go hiking instead of the library.  I gave up, these people have not had the same experience I have with this injury, and out of all the bad cards that I got dealt with this I feel blessed that I now have perspective on the things that are really important.   Spending time with family and friends, doing things that are good for the soul, is at the top of my priority list.  The rest will come, or not, and that is okay.  As long as my body and soul are in good shape, I am happy. 

"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.
"  (quote from Grey's Anatomy"

A long hard road.....

After I got out of surgery on June 7th, the surgeon and his team came in my hospital room to talk to me. The surgeon told me that my fracture was worse than he originally thought, and that he wanted to make clear that I had long hard road ahead of me. I thought I understood what he was saying, nodded my head, and cheerfully said I'd do whatever it took to get better. Looking back, he must have thought I was so foolish, I had NO IDEA how hard this was going to be.

Long hard road indeed! I am still in a lot of pain, I still sleep on my right side, though from time to time I attempt to lay on my left side for a bit - it doesn't last long due to the pain. I do home exercises religiously but still have trouble with range of motion, pain, and day to day inconsistencies. One day I feel pretty good, the next day my arm is killing me. Eight months, I thought by this time my shoulder injury would be a distant memory, but it isn't.

I had a follow up a few weeks ago and they've put me back in Physical Therapy because I was losing range of motion. So, back to 2x per week. I have more pain now than I did a few months ago, which makes me worry about AVN. They told me in the beginning that if I develop AVN I will start experiencing more pain again. So far, doctor says xrays don't show any obvious AVN but they won't know until about the year mark for sure. So, it's a waiting game.

In the meantime, everything is harder than it use to be. I am working on my thesis, but can't give it 100%, focusing (and typing) for any length of time is difficult. But I am plugging away at it and eventually it will be written. I have chosen not to give myself grief over this, as long as I am moving along in a forward direction, I am content.

All in all my pain fluctuates from day to day, some days are not so bad, and other days I am very aware of my injury. My attitude also fluctuates, for the most part I am a positive person and I try to focus on how far I've come and all that I can do now. However, I do have moments where I just feel so sorry for myself. This injury sucked. Recovery sucked. Eight months out, it still sucks. Staying busy and active helps a lot, doing things I use to do, even if I have to modify it, makes a big difference to my soul. I will continue to work hard and to hope for the best - I have heard from people who had similar injuries that it takes a good year and a half to two years before you start feeling "normal" again. So, I hope that is true!!

Back on the bike!!!!

January 27th was a monumental day for me. Seven months and 29 days of torture not being able to ride my bike. I still have a lot of issues with my shoulder, and of course I'm scared to death of falling and hurting it again. So, I decided my first time out would be on a flat canal trail with a friend. We took it slow and I was only able to do a few miles because the position of the arm while holding the handle bars for any length of time is difficult. The good news is that we geocached along the way - so I got to stop and take a break every half mile or so. Here is a video of me taking my first spin around the parking lot, forgive me for the audio - we didn't have a script, this was improv.

"Recovery is not a team sport"

I was watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix today and this quote literally brought me to tears.

After a trauma, your body is at its most vulnerable. Response time is critical. So you’re suddenly surrounded by people—doctors, nurses, specialists, technicians—surgery is a team sport. Everyone pushing for the finish line. Putting you back together again. But surgery is a trauma in and of itself, and once it’s over, the real healing begins. It’s called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport. It’s a solitary distance run. It’s long. It’s exhausting. And it’s lonely as hell.

The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it’s not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It’s like you haven’t recovered anything at all. You’re a whole new person with a whole new life.

– Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

Pain and Progress - Weeks 1 - 12

Week 1 - Unable to do anything on my own really, can't shower, can't dress, hard to get up and down out of the chair without help, on so many meds a little dizzy. I even need help pulling up the left side of my pants after using the restroom.

Week 2 - Much better than week 1, but still in a great amount of pain, still can't shower and dress myself, but am staying home alone much more.

Week 3 - Still in a lot of pain, weaning off the meds but still taking a lot. Finally feeling like socializing a bit, getting out of the house, going out to dinner. I usually only last a few hours before I want to go back home so I can rest. Am starting to really miss my life, my bike, etc.

Week 4 - Still in pain, still on meds, trying each week to take less and less. Started at home passive stretching exercises at direction from my surgeon.

Week 5 - Almost off my pain meds, only taking 2-3 oxycodone per day (a far cry from the 24 per day that I started with on day 1. I try to only take one before bed so I can sleep and then during the day take only if needed.

Week 6 - I am driving a little bit, started out around town, still wearing my sling, luckily I drive an automatic. I am back at work and can only handle half days, am in a great amount of pain but it's a catch 22, if I take meds I am unclear and loopy, off meds I am in pain. Either way, I am not the employee of the month. Started physical therapy - only passive movement, the physical therapist moves my arm around and I don't activate my muscles. VERY painful, but I know it needs to be done so I suck it up and do what I'm told. Home exercises are tough.

Week 7 - No more oxycodone (YAY!), Dr. prescribed me vicodin to transition off meds. Only taking 1 prior to physical therapy and 1 every night before bed. (read side effects of acetaminophin which is in vicodin, kills your liver if you take too much, so I am being super careful to stay at the very low end of dosage!)

Week 8 and 9 - still taking 1 vicodin to sleep - am in a lot of pain throughout the day but want so badly to be pill free that I just suffer through and go to bed at 7pm taking 1 pill so I can sleep.

Week 10 - off meds all together. Still pain, don't get me wrong, but I can get by.

Week 11 & 12 - Physical therapy is really helping. My range of motion is increasing and the PT got my arm to 116 degrees today. When I first started I was only at 80 or so. Making progress.