After I got out of surgery on June 7th, the surgeon and his team came in my hospital room to talk to me. The surgeon told me that my fracture was worse than he originally thought, and that he wanted to make clear that I had long hard road ahead of me. I thought I understood what he was saying, nodded my head, and cheerfully said I'd do whatever it took to get better. Looking back, he must have thought I was so foolish, I had NO IDEA how hard this was going to be.
Long hard road indeed! I am still in a lot of pain, I still sleep on my right side, though from time to time I attempt to lay on my left side for a bit - it doesn't last long due to the pain. I do home exercises religiously but still have trouble with range of motion, pain, and day to day inconsistencies. One day I feel pretty good, the next day my arm is killing me. Eight months, I thought by this time my shoulder injury would be a distant memory, but it isn't.
I had a follow up a few weeks ago and they've put me back in Physical Therapy because I was losing range of motion. So, back to 2x per week. I have more pain now than I did a few months ago, which makes me worry about AVN. They told me in the beginning that if I develop AVN I will start experiencing more pain again. So far, doctor says xrays don't show any obvious AVN but they won't know until about the year mark for sure. So, it's a waiting game.
In the meantime, everything is harder than it use to be. I am working on my thesis, but can't give it 100%, focusing (and typing) for any length of time is difficult. But I am plugging away at it and eventually it will be written. I have chosen not to give myself grief over this, as long as I am moving along in a forward direction, I am content.
All in all my pain fluctuates from day to day, some days are not so bad, and other days I am very aware of my injury. My attitude also fluctuates, for the most part I am a positive person and I try to focus on how far I've come and all that I can do now. However, I do have moments where I just feel so sorry for myself. This injury sucked. Recovery sucked. Eight months out, it still sucks. Staying busy and active helps a lot, doing things I use to do, even if I have to modify it, makes a big difference to my soul. I will continue to work hard and to hope for the best - I have heard from people who had similar injuries that it takes a good year and a half to two years before you start feeling "normal" again. So, I hope that is true!!
